JitenshaSW

Firstly, I want to thank you all for all the warm well wishes, and birthday wishes as well. 💖

I'll save my personal updates for the end of the journal - for now, please enjoy these business-related updates!

🌸What to expect from Jit going forward...🌸

Finally, after late last year's layoff, my husband got a really good job here in Japan! Because of that, I want to organize my own business a bit more, as we're finally going to have a normal schedule for once. Since he worked for an American company before, we'd be up at all sorts of hours (I accompanied him of course). That means you will probably be seeing me around much more frequently! 🎉

Below will be some of the projects I'm working on or will be working on in the near future.

🌸Commissions🌸

As I mentioned in my previous journal, I am accepting $35/hourly rate commissions currently, with a minimum of 12 hours work per request (starting at $420). Because of that, most of my active customers are using me for projects, like short comics for example. But I can work on whatever you want, games, animations, pinups, sequences, emotes, etc. I know this isn't viable for everyone, but I need to make commissions worth my time as well.

My client list is currently full, but if you're okay with waiting a bit, I can add you to a waiting list. To be added, please let me know via email at jitenshasw@gmail.com with a summary of what you'd like. Thanks!

🌸YCH (your character here) Commissions - any interest?🌸

As I mentioned before, I know that my commissions can be cost prohibitive to some, so I've been thinking about doing a 1 page full-color comic, YCH commission for around $100. I'm only gauging interest for now...I think some great Giants I could use would be Maria (How to get rid of your Ex) and Ramon (Mystical Miami). I'm open to suggestions, and if you like other's suggestions please like them so I can see what's popular. I'll probably refine suggestions based on likes and do a final poll.

I'm also open to doing YCH for Giants who want tinies from my previous series. I'm also cool doing YCH for other kink work I've done (depending on interest), though in the case of TF, the YCH subject would probably be the one inducing the TF. So the one transforming would be MY character, at least for now. I can look into how to streamline that...

🌸I'm Streaming on Twitch!!!🌸

I unfortunately can't stream most of my artwork on Twitch, but I've just started a channel for gaming, for kink fans, and also a place to discuss anything from relationships/sex to Japan. I'm still figuring out my schedule, and I know this is a bit of a lame ask, but if you have Twitch, would you mind giving me a follow on my channel at JitBitTV - Twitch please? 👉👈 If you do want to live chat with me about these sort of topics, or other topics, you'll be notified when I'm live by giving me that follow. If you only want to help and don't care to join though, you can turn off notifications after following if you'd like. I don't want to spam anyone's inbox😅

I want to make streaming worth my time since I have so many projects I juggle, and I'm very, very close to making affiliate - basically when I can start making money using this. And while it would be nice to make decent money off Twitch, I know that's rare. My goal is to mainly cover my gaming expenses lol. This is really a more personal, selfish thing I want to do. I haven't had much opportunity for that. Anyway, I love me a good chat, so I hope you can stop by sometime. 🥰

I don't have an idea of WHEN I'll be uploading clips to YouTube, but when I do, I'll add them to my JitBitTV YouTube Channel.

🌸Social Media🌸

In an effort to not upset my audiences with the sort of content I'm making, I'm doing some rebranding a bit with my content. I'll keep using Jitensha/JitenshaSW for my adult art content, but as you may have noticed, my video/stream content will be under JitBitTV. Because of that, I'll be keeping my Twitter, DA, etc dedicated to adult content and adult education (via SizeCon content), while JitBitTV will be dedicated to conversation and video streaming, which may include a wide array of subjects, including adult related conversations, but NO visible adult content. As you can imagine, Twitch and YouTube are very strict with that sort of thing.

To further distinguish the content I want to post, I'm co-running a channel with my husband called Tokyotaku - it's a play on words, Tokyo otaku (Tokyo fanatic) and Tokyo taku (to live in Tokyo). Aside from our YouTube channel which is in its infancy (no uploads yet, all in the planning stage), I do have a Twitter page where I upload interesting things from Japan. If you're a Twitter (excuse me, "X") user and want to see/learn more about Japan, I plan to upload regularly on this page, so please do give me a follow if interested - thanks!

🌸Patreon🌸

My Patreon is still on hiatus, but again if you want to support me and what I do, I'm very, very grateful for any subscribers. I hope in a few months, after my husband gets some paychecks in, and my schedule is more stable, I'll be able to refocus again on Perception comic. It's such a time sink, so I gotta be in a good place financially to work on it. And while Patreon is nice side money, it's nowhere near enough for me to replace a full-time income, ya know? Thanks for your patience on the matter.

🌸Daddy's Dollhouse🌸

Yes! My quirky little (big?) forum, Daddy's Dollhouse is still alive! If you don't know about Daddy's, it's a site I created with my husband. It's a place for fans of Giant men and/or tiny woman - meaning it's a M/f site mainly with gay/lesbian Size content also allowed. F/m content is not allowed, not in an effort to discriminate, but to provide a safe space for Giant man and tiny lady fans, since most spaces are saturated with F/m content.

For years I've been looking for support to help run it. As I mentioned before, I have way too many projects, so while the forum keeps running, it isn't really evolving. I'd love to add more features, have more mods, etc. If you'd like to help out, please email me at jitenshasw@gmail.com . Additionally, anyone wanting to send donations for running costs ($15-$20 monthly depending on traffic) I've had to pay out of pocket since launch 3+ years ago, you can do so at PayPal.Me - Thank you! 😭

🌸SizeCon [micro] April 19-21🌸

🎉 Reminder that there is online SizeCon [micro] next month, April 19-21.🎉 I'll be taking a bit of a backseat with the next [micro] after playing a very involved role in the organizing of our last one in November. I still do plan to be around, but as of now, I've mostly just been supporting the art team. Where I really shine is in the in-person events, so while we look for a new venue and co-showrunner for our con, I'll be in support mode. Unfortunately, living out in Japan has made venue scouting close to impossible. And if you didn't hear why we're changing venues, the tl;dr is that hotel staff was inappropriate with some of our guests, we we've decided to cut ties. We have already many suggestions for new venues, but what we really need is someone to help us seal the deal. Someone with direct contact to a venue (preferably a hotel) that can accommodate us, of course, in a state that is LGBTQ+ friendly.

If you're unfamiliar with SizeCon and what we do, I highly recommend giving SizeCon [micro] a go, as a way to get your feet wet in the IRL Size Community. We are a loving, accepting and uplifting bunch, running both IRL and online events with hundreds of attendees at every event. Tickets are $20 for the 3-day event, to cover the costs of running Gather Town.

If you're unfamiliar with Gather Town, it's a medium that lets us experience an interactive game-like space with other attendees. Check out a trailer from a prior [micro]!

🌸Life Update🌸

For those of you wondering where I've been, I wrote out a journal entry explaining everything. Thank you all for the well wishes. 💖 As far as an update goes, my father-in-law has an evaluation appointment later this month (finally!) with Clevland Clinic to hopefully get him on the high priority transplant list.🤞 As far as the situation with my parents, the tl;dr is that I've estranged myself from them. I blocked their numbers, emails, etc for my own mental health. January was especially bad, I lost 17lbs and my period was late by a week, which was very disappointing when I kept excitedly taking pregnancy tests, only to find it was negative. I REALLY want to get pregnant, so yeah. My anxiety was SO bad it not only delayed my period, but I had to get on medication again because I couldn't focus, and my chest was so sore from my erratic breathing. It's been a rough few months, when all I want is...

It was especially rough during my recent birthday and my dad's 70th birthday that happened back in February. But honestly, as hurt as I am, not having contact is much better for my health than waiting like an eager puppy for their approval and love. After a bad phone call and my late period, I realized for my own health, so that I can finally have that family I want, I need to distance myself, because these people aren't going to give it to me. I need to be in a good place mentally and physically to become pregnant, especially because of my age (just turned 37😱). I gotta give these dusty ass eggs a chance, ya know? They have an avenue to reach me through my husband, but I'm not going to hold my breath. C'est la vie 🤷🏻‍♀️

🌸It was a HAPPY birthday🌸

Thanks again for all the birthday wishes! My recent birthday this past Saturday (3/2) was thankfully not doom and gloom lol. Sergio planned a BBQ at our place with our friends. Backyards are not common in Tokyo, but we have a rooftop balcony, so we did it up there, and it was so much fun! 💖 We played lots of games, and I made a banana, cream-cheese frosted cake, which IMO was fire! The kitties also very much enjoyed the company (they loooove people), and I got a few birthday gifts too, which was really nice since I got zero from my family lol. 😭

My husband also got me some birthday presents, including buying a very cheap scope camera and taking me on a *clears throat* Sergio "field trip"...If you catch my drift. 😳 I saw many parts of him I thought I'd never get to experience. 🫣🤤 While I may not have much of a relationship with my family, my husband is my everything. I know in that regard, I'm so fucking lucky.

It still was a little bittersweet not hearing from my parents, but like I said before, that's life. Some parents are amazing and accepting, and others are judgmental and aim to break down who you are to fit their preferred image of you. I got the latter. At least I got to surround myself with amazing people I chose because of it. There's always a silver lining, right?

🌸If you want to help out🌸

If you want to support me for my work, community organizing, or send me a gift because I got a sad haul this year and I'm a greedy little goblin, as always I appreciate PayPal donations and Amazon.co.jp gifts. You need a Japanese account to buy from my Amazon wishlist, which pro-tip, they run the site in English, so you can buy your weeby goods straight from Amazon.co.jp and ship it abroad now! And since I recently started streaming, Steam Giftcards are also really appreciated. To send me a digital giftcard, you'll need to friend me on Steam first. I can't thank you guys enough for sticking by me and hearing me out. 🙏 Stay kinky my friends!

Thanks for reading y'all 🥹

💋Muaaa ~Jit

All of my journals pretty much start with apologies about radio silence, and this has been a big one. I'll give you the short and long version.

tl;dr

- I overworked

- Got into a biking accident

- Sergio's dad almost died (technically did die, several times), thankfully now stable

- We had to emergency fly out to the US

- loootsss of drama

- Total disaster w/my parents (we don't have a good relationship)

- commissions info

I'm home now. Exhausted, but in a much better headspace. I got some info on how I'll be handling comms in the future, and that'll be towards the end, but for now, the long version (if you care to read drama).

The long Version...

October was nuts with work. Not only did I have my day job and commissions, but SizeCon [micro] was coming up November 10th and I had to give the entire virtual space a facelift, implement new features and so much more. If you're not aware of SizeCon [micro] here's a commercial we got explaining the concept - it's essentially a virtual SizeCon lite, hence the tag [micro]. The updated version of the space is not in the commercial, it's our old look from Halloween 2022, but regardless, it's a good example of what our virtual space is like. It's sort of like a video game. So, I had to make a lot of art....

The accident....

After several days of very little sleep and lots of overworking, I decided to take a bike ride all the way to Ueno at 4am for some fresh air. Ueno station is about a 20min bike from home, and lots of things are open at this hour there, compared to my more quiet, residential neighborhood. This 4am ride just so happened to be the morning of SizeCon [micro], November 10th. About 75% of the way to Ueno, I ended up jumping a curb, flipping forward, hitting my head and fucking up my dominant right hand (my drawing hand) pretty bad because I was trying to protect my head. My bike basket was also crushed.😭

My head was fine in the end, thankfully no concussion, just a bump and a bruise, but my hand looked like shiiiiit. I broken/fractured bones as a kid, so I knew that wasn't the case. Skin was hanging off my fingers though, and because I had to be at SizeCon [micro] later that day, I just cleaned it up, bandaged it and worked through the pain...like I still had art to make, and no one else knew how to use the system and I had all the master files in not the best condition for passing off...so yeah🙃 If you attended [micro] and wondered where I was, I was trying to recoup. I apologize for not being very present!😟

It's January, and my hand still hasn't fully healed. I'm taking anti-inflamatory meds because my pointer and middle finger swell. Unless I'm taking anti-inflamatory meds, I can't fully curl those two fingers flush against my palm. It hurts to poke, twist, pull, etc. But at least the meds makes things tolerable for work. I still have to see a Doctor...I'm on it😅I had an appointment early December to see a Doctor about my fingers, but I had to cancel that because of a family emergency.

The Family emergency...

That emergency happened December 3rd. My Father-in-law had been acting weird and erratic the past few days, and we didn't know why. If you've read my journals in the past, he's been waiting 13, almost 14 years now for a kidney transplant. He only turned 60 a few months ago, and the hardest working man I know (to his detriment). Well, after those few weird days with FiL on the phone, we get a call from the hospital December 3rd. He's been admitted, and it's very serious. My husband Sergio calls his Mom (FiL's ex, but only "local" family/friend) to check on him. She lives 3 hours away and makes the drive with Sergio's Step-Dad.

When they get there, Docs say he didn't go in for dialysis for close to a week and he almost died because of it. Almost died, no, actually he did die. His heart stopped 5 times!! If you have kidney failure, you MUST go to dialysis several times a week to get rid of all the toxins in your body you'd normally filter out through your urine via your kidneys. Because his body can't do that, he literally was poisoning himself and his heart couldn't take it.

When MiL got to the ICU she was by herself, since Sergio's Step-Dad was looking for parking. She starts a video call with Sergio to show that his Dad is unconscious, intubated, but alive...seconds later he starts flatlining like a goddamn episode of ER, Docs rushing to his side, my Mother-in-law kicked out of the room, watching in pure terror. As soon as they got his heart beating again, the doctors calmed my MiL down, and told us (still connected on video call) to fly out now if we want to say our goodbyes. Docs estimated he has 24-48 hours to live. Sergio didn't know if he'd make it to see his father alive.

The Travel situation...

I need to give props to Delta for being so helpful during all this. If you ever need to take an emergency flight like this, bereavement flights can be such a blessing (cheaper, flexible, etc), you just need to call and explain the situation. Because even though we had to put these tickets on a credit card since they were over $1k per person, they were much cheaper than anything I was finding on my own online. The airlines do however check to verify your story, and they called the hospital before giving us the tickets.

Because we were taking the first flight out, we couldn't coordinate with our usual pet sitter, so we decided to take our cats with us, Delta confirmed they had room for them - great! When we get to the airport, issues with their paperwork. If you don't know, Islands tend to have strict import/export rules to prevent disease and protect their ecosystems. Please like Japan, England, Hawaii, etc. Well, Japan is a rabies free country, and because they're a rabies free country, you need to do shots, testing, and lots of waiting (around 7 months), to import them in. I did that with my cat Pepper whom I picked up as a stray when I lived in Florida. My other cat Bean however was born in Japan and has never left.

When we arrived at the animal import/export area of the airport, they informed us that there was an issue with their rabies shots. See, they had valid rabies shots, BUT they were administered <2 months after the previous one had expired. This lapse in between shots was the culprit that made them ineligible to come back to Japan if we were to fly out with them that day. I tried through tears to ask for some logic on this rule...as both cats haven't left Rabies-free Japan - SO HOW WOULD THEY HAVE CONTRACTED RABIES??!! They have their rabies shot to protect them out there in the scary rabied-world. But as with some things in Japan, there is no logic, only rules.

We tried to see if we could then leave the cats with them - as a pet who is brought to Japan is put in quarantine if they don't have the proper paperwork...so they got kennels, right? Not ideal for my babies, but I was running out of options. They said they can't take them (understandable) so they call a place they work with. Not only could they not take our cats for the entire duration of our stay in Florida (it was December after all), the cats needed extra types of shots we didn't give them. They're both strict indoor cats, so we don't really get them anything else but rabies shots.

With no way forward, I took the cats home, and Sergio flew out by himself. It was heartbreaking, at a point when we wanted to be there for each other more than ever. I took the same flight on my own the following day. Before that I coordinated with our usual sitter, who was so amazing taking us last second, and I tidied up the home so we'd come home to tranquility.

When the work finally began...

The second I landed in Florida, I didn't stop. Sergio doesn't have any siblings, and all his family lives outside the US aside from his Mom to help with his Dad. And again, she lives 3+ hours each way away from my FiL, they're divorced, and even though they're still friends, she's remarried, so it's really not the most ideal situation. When I got to the hospital, FiL was still dire, but his condition had actually improved, to the point they said it looks like he could make it...but his heart was so weak now, he'd need a heart transplant. Furthermore, if he made it out of here, he could never work again because his heart is so weak.

After a few days he was finally able to breath on his own, but it was still so scary. We didn't know if he had gotten brain damage during his cardiac arrests, he was so thin, so weak and after so many years of dialysis, most of veins have become rock solid, making Docs change the access point vein for his dialysis catheter to near his groin, which as you can imagine was very painful for him.

Everyday during the 20 days we were in the US, we would visit FiL at the hospital. At the start we stayed at a very cheap motel, a 5 min drive from the hospital, but the uber fees added up. After we could secure a car, we eventually went to stay at my parents about an hour away, and did the 1 hour each way drive to visit him. Meanwhile we were officially closing down his business (it was his own solo handy-man business), contacting his partners, finalizing invoices, etc. We also completely gutted out his apartment and minivan which he used for his work.

Clean-Up and Silver-lining story...

I cannot describe how utterly disgusting everything was. And that's not to say my FiL is a disgusting dude, I've known him almost 20 years. He's just gotten so weak the past few years he just doesn't have the energy to cleanup. Like legit, we've had to call the ambulance several times because he'll just pass out doing something unassuming. Like, scary, eyes rolling back, drooling, passing out. In fact, we were worried about his mess, that before we moved to Japan we completely gutted out his apartment and I Marie Kondo'd the shit out of it, so staying organized would be easy. Just a year and a half later, and it was even worse than the last time. Imagine the TV show hoarders, but now add a bunch of potentially biohazardous stains on everything. His Minivan was just as bad. There was only a little pocket on the driver's side in the minivan for Sergio's dad to sit. Everything else was floor to ceiling filled with tools, invoices, food galore, tons of used bloody bandages, families of dead roaches. I mean, we found enough lightbulbs in there to light a city, brand new clothes w/tags, a working cell phone, $52 in coins, a fricken' samurai sword!!? In the end, we took the minivan in for a really good scrub down, and that was our car for the duration of our trip.

I took us 3 days total, morning (~7am) until sundown to finish it all. Living in Miami, there's always been a large influx of immigrants. Meeting people who "just got here" has been a lifelong experience of mine, so my Dad knew this 50 y/o guy who just immigrated less than a year ago from Cuba, has a wife and 3 kids. He was a handyman, and just recently he was able to afford a van for his work (and general transport), with a decal promoting his handyman services. Problem is he had almost no tools, he'd actually rent the tools at rent-a-center so he could get the work. We showed him everything we could salvage from the minivan, and he took it all. He left so grateful, like a kid in a candy store.

My FiL had it all in there, power tools for building and fixing, painting, changing light bulbs, power washers, you name it, he had it, and many in very good condition. My FiL was sad to lose his tools, but understanding his situation, was happy it went to someone who needed it. The man said "Wow, he's a REAL handyman" when he saw all the tools he had, and when we retold it to FiL he seemed to be very proud of himself lol 💕

Then things got worse at the hospital...

At the start, things were going really well. We made a lot of progress with his business, home, and FiL himself was weak, but finally talking, and joking like his old self. They released him from the ICU to general, and that's when things started getting bad. Granted, I understand, the care isn't going to be as quick as the ICU, but every thing annoyed FiL so he'd call Sergio in the middle of the night, who'd be in bed an hour away in Miami, complaining that he's waiting too long to get attention from the nurses, to the point that he makes himself light headed and almost pass out from the anger. This of course made the rest of our trip really anxiety inducing, because Sergio couldn't do anything to fix it at that moment. We legit drove out one night because Sergio was so nervous after.

One night things got really bad, because apparently they left FiL alone in the bathroom. Because of his heart condition, he has a high risk of fainting, and they left him there to do #2, which like, c'mon, you're forcing yourself, all the more reason to not leave someone like this alone. Low and behold he fainted and his head, and the nurses found him unconscious several minutes later. NOBODY informed us about this, we had to learn from FiL - and granted they know us, we're there every day. My husband and MiL have medical power of attorney over my FiL - like YEAH WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. We bring it up to them when we arrive at the hospital, and they're like "Sorry the nurse is on lunch at the moment" - we're like "well, tell them to get out here, we need an explanation on why FiL was left to faint and hit his head in YOUR care.

We were told to wait in a waiting room, 20 minutes + pass and we're still waiting. I couldn't wait any longer, so I ask to speak to the head nurse. Thankfully he shows up not too long after, and admits to the malpractice, saying that their protocol is to not leave a patient with fainting risk alone in the bathroom. Thank god he actually admitted to it, because when his nurse showed up - every excuse in the book. FiL even asked where his Tylenol was for his horrible pain (he couldn't take the stronger stuff because it would make him too groggy), and the nurse had the audacity to say that she was starving and for him to chill out. Mind you, he was supposed to have a procedure that day that was cancelled, to remove the old dialysis catheter (which was the cause of his pain), so he was starving from fasting.

Minor customer service rant (please excuse me)

I know a bit of a tangent, but holy fuck, I hadn't wanted to punch someone out in so long. The nurses on this floor, were just horrible. And maybe it was that FiL speaks little English, but getting him anything was such a mission. One time he was going through a panic attack and he needed oxygen, and so I called a nurse, had to call 3 fucking times almost 20 minutes of waiting. Like I know he's not going to die in those 20 minutes, but holy hell, it takes 30 seconds to help him out with that one.

One of the things that pisses me off about the US, no matter what it is, there's an excuse. Like the previous nurse with her "I was starving" excuse. Doesn't matter if it's a hospital, retail, any business really, there's never am "Sorry about that! I'm on it!". Literally the head nurse was the one and only time on my entire trip that anyone actually empathized with us. And I'm not saying that being a nurse or working retail isn't emotionally draining - like I get it, I worked in service jobs too, we know you're overworked and busy, but the people who are in need of help can be going through their own shit too.

Meanwhile, I ask for help finding a cheap product at the 100 yen store (essentially dollar store equivalent) here in Japan, and the employee DASHES, like literally hastily jogging towards whatever dumbass item I needed help with, like if I was royalty asking them to fetch my faberge egg. It's not a secret Japan has literally the best customer service, but I definitely missed it when I had to go to a shop, stay at the motel, buy food, or deal with any other services while in Florida...because you know something always goes wrong.🙄 The hospital customer service especially was such an eye opener.

The WORST Doctor...

It wasn't even the nurses either. The doctor on that floor was the worst. Very, very pessimistic. He didn't want to try anything for his heart, he said putting in a pacemaker was risky because they couldn't check his veins well. We had to fight to get him a Life Vest (essentially a wearable defibrillator), and that was after I went up to the great staff at the ICU and spoke with one of the nurses I befriended there. She was also very surprised that the Doc on our floor in general was being so hands-off. After he said he wouldn't put in the pacemaker, I told the doctor, sobbing, "he just needs a chance, he needs it to get out of here, to get healthy enough for a transplant. There is no risk, doing nothing is to just let him slowly die!" Doc just shrugged his shoulders and said that's all he can do.

Thankfully, that same day, after the bathroom fall and that very emotional talk with our family and the pessimistic doctor, we were moved to another floor. Guess what, FiL has a pacemaker! 🎉This floor's doc was more confident doing the procedure, and thankfully, this floor also has the most Spanish speaking staff, so it's been a little easier on FiL. He understands English pretty well, but Spanish is more comfortable for him to speak, and he wants to be able to speak with the Docs. It can be pretty frustrating when you can't find the words, ya know? Now, FiL is stable and making progress little by little. I've been worried though a lot about my husband Sergio. His Dad's situation of course affects him a lot. One of the hardest things for him has been the guilt.

Sergio's relationship with his Dad...

Sergio's parents split right before his 16th birthday, and his Dad kind of disappeared for a bit after. Because of that, their relationship had been kind of weak. Though I'd say this past year, Sergio had been talking to his dad more, and rekindled a bit of what he had when he was younger. He told me that the last conversation he had with his Dad before we flew out to the US (thinking he'd be dying mind you!) was that he wanted to get to know his dad better, as a person.

My FiL has always been a very private person, and because of that, he never really let on how sick he was. Sergio offered him his kidney, he refused because his disease was hereditary. I offered him mine a year and a half ago before our move, but he never got well enough to even be considered for surgery. When it came to his upkeep, everything was always "under control". You'd talking about something serious and FiL would quickly change the subject or make a joke. And if you were too much on his ass, he'd conveniently forget his phone in the car for days. We bought him a Life Alert, and we'd get 'non-emergency' texts basically saying he's not bringing his pendant back home (aka he's not wearing it). He was a serial escape artist from hospitals, and he had no interest in living in a home either. He wouldn't even show us how trashy his minivan got until recently. Before that, he'd rent a really fancy car for an outing when we were in town.

His Dad's secret...

Controlling FiL was not an option. The reason Sergio felt so guilty (which not his fault imo), is because his Dad lied to him, constantly about how sick he was. He doesn't have a Nephrologist or Cardiologist for example. When we asked him who are the docs he kept naming, he admitted they're the one from the hospital. He went to the hospital several times a year for infections because of how he lived/worked - not ideal for someone who has to expose their veins for dialysis 3 times a week - cleanliness is key! So he thought having a Nephrologist and Cardiologist at the hospital was enough. No follow ups, no roadmap for transplant, NOTHING. He expected the Doctors at S-E-V-E-R-A-L different hospitals to take the time to conference each other in to make sure they were all on the same page.

Sergio wasn't just upset for not being more involved, but also mad at his Dad. He's made a lot of selfish choices that's upended Sergio's life plans in the past, and if he would have been a bit more truthful and more cooperative, maybe we wouldn't be here. FiL seems to be a bit embarrassed/remorseful about the situation too. It's obviously a cluster fuck of emotions for everyone. Obviously though, we're just so grateful that he's alive and his old joking self again. I opened a side pocket of our suitcase like a week into our trip and saw Sergio's funeral shoes, and I just sobbed. What an awful year, but fuck did we get a Christmas miracle with FiL surviving all odds.

Next steps for FiL...

The next steps for FiL will be an assisted living place in Miami. He can't live on his own anymore, at least not without the fear that his heart can stop. He's also shown that he can't keep clean - which is not a knock on him, it's due to his physical state, and he also can't work, so he needs to live where we tell him to live. Surprisingly, getting rid of his place, car, work, everything, he's finally on board. He knows too that to get his transplant, he needs to demonstrate that he's willing to put in the work. The transplant "list" does not care about your "place" on said list. It's all about who deserves it more. And if you keep getting infections, missing appointments, literally don't do your part - then they won't do theirs and move onto the next needy person.

I wouldn't have believed if I wasn't in the room with FiL when he admitted that he's been taking care of himself incorrectly, and that he needs help. So we're going to help!! The long-term plan is to get Sergio's Dad back here to Japan where he can retire. FiL lived here in Japan before, and loved living here, despite not speaking much Japanese. However, being half Japanese himself, he can get a visa here, and live very comfortably off of his retirement/disability.

Our plan for Japan...

We had spoken to him before we moved about coming to live out in Japan, since he had no friends/family left near him, and he said he'd think about it. I think this episode was the kick that he needed. We want to get him his transplant though before he moves here because Cleavland Clinic was trying to get him on the priority list before this episode, and the rate of transplants is much, much higher in the US than Japan (kind of a bittersweet fact for my fellow Americans😔).

I think the talk about moving out here has also been really motivating him. He lived in a really rundown part of town for a 1k/month studio apartment, plus paid like almost $700/month on his car and insurance. I did the math, and a brand new apartment 1 bedroom with Living and separate kitchen, pets allowed so he can have a cat, all walking distance to our house and loads of public transport (trains, monorail, street car, buses even a river ferry), and a housekeeper to come once a week, ALL under $1k a month. And he doesn't need a car living near all that public transport, so he can save himself that extra $700 on car costs. That's here in Tokyo, not the boonies of Tokyo, but very close to the heart of it.

Having Sergio with him out here I think really makes him feel at peace. He's spent so long hustling in the US, after spending so many years hustling in Japan as an immigrant himself, working factory jobs, and so many years hustling as a child - as FiL's step-father routinely abused him, beat him and his mother, brothers, threatened his life with weapons, had to fight the family livestock for food because he starved him, like really horrible, horrible abuse. My FiL can't imagine a peaceful life. He's always been fighting. I can't strain how relieved we are to know he's finally on the same page with us.

MY family drama...

Wow! Thanks for sticking around this long 🤪 Quite a read, yeah?

If you've read journals in the past, the tl;dr version of my parents relationship and mine is that they're very positively-toxic people and (especially my Mom) really lack at providing any sort of emotional support. Everything is just "Eh, that's life!" or "Get over it!". And that's all fine and dandy if I didn't get the job I wanted, or that recipe I worked on was a total flop! But it doesn't work so well with assault, serious health issues, death, YOU KNOW, LIFE ISSUES!!??

Quick backstory...

I lived in Queens NYC ten plus years prior to covid, and my sister went through a VERY messy divorce and had to rely on my parents a lot, even moving in to their house for several years with her 2 kids and dog. Because of this I backed off. My Mom even admitted it to me in my mid 20's, that she gave way more time to sis because she needed it more. My dad always says the wrong thing (something stupid, sexist, racist, etc), but to his credit, when he sees he hurt you, he apologizes. My mom however, our relationship has always just been on the surface. And I fucking HATE saying that.

Saying that, I reluctantly moved in with my parents during covid (feel free to read the old journals for the full saga) and during that time, I brought up to my parents a time at my friend's house, her grandpa tried to take advantage of me when I was 10 and was only thwarted by my older sister arriving to come pick me up. Instead of my parents being sympathetic with the news, they were like deer in headlights. Like "What do you want us to do about it? That was ages ago!" I told them I just want a hug and some sympathy. They weren't like that though, and so I ended up telling them more. Much more. The man flashing me his penis when I was 13, the almost daily cat callers when I walked to/from school, the man who stalked me in his car and would drive off and laugh when I spotted him, the man who held me against my will because I he called me beautiful and "thanks" wasn't enough, or the man thrusted his groin into me on a packed train until I could feel his boner pressing up against me - there's many more stories, but you get the picture. Again, NOTHING from them. If my child told me someone did this to them, I'd sob. So I shutdown.

We ended up having this sex assault discussion a few more times, because what I call "rock mode", where I shutdown and don't show much expression, that upsets my parents. I'm not doing it to spite them, they just want me to be positively toxic and pretend nothing happened, but this is how I self-preserve. I go rock mode. During this time we were just exchanging pleasantries "Good morning" or "Hey how are you?". God forbid I've ever sworn or said something gross to either of my parents. I was always tried to be patient and calm.

My brother-in-law and my Godparents happen to stop by one day during one of these sex assault discussions, and obviously took my side and were looking at my parents like they were on drugs or something, because wtf, what do you mean "What do you want me to do?"...like I'm not expecting you to build a time-traveling Delorean so you can beat up this guy mom and dad. Just hug me and say you love me so I don't feel like the throw-away object that those men made me feel.

Self Worth Issues...

I've had self worth issues for a long, long time, and a lot of those men made me feel that way. I was out of the country with my grandma when my first incident happened at 10. Her response was not to go by their house again. If you've been taken advantage of before by an adult, you know that horrible feeling of "This isn't right, I need help from a trusted adult" but when the trusted grown-ups don't do anything about it...boy, it just makes you feel like dirt. None of those situations I was in had any resolution to them. Those men continue their lives, having enjoyed their momentary power trip, and I continue mine, being always on guard of other men, when I sure as hell don't want to, and I'm sure more reasonable men don't want that either.

I thought, some friends can come and go, people move, lives go on, but my family will always be there. But they weren't. Not emotionally. My sister and I have never really been close. She's quite a bit older than me, and we're completely different personalities, interests, everything. She is also very dismissive like my Mom, though to her credit, she sees how lacking she is with emotional support, and she put her kids in therapy early on in her divorce. Sister agrees with me btw that Mom is not able to provide emotional support.

My stupid dream...

I know it's so stupid, but I just wanted to be friends with my mom. I always did. I always thought she was so cool. While my aunt was telling me to stop playing pokemon because it was for boys, my mom was 'meh, play whatever you want', and when my dad made fun of my mom watching her scifi shows, she shrugged it off and called me over to watch with her. We'd watch reruns of Quantum Leap, Star Trek and you can bet that every thirsty fantasy show (Buffy, Angel, Charmed, etc) was a family event, except for Dad who thought it was lame. She was so cool to me as a kid, such a badass, an inspiration, someone who didn't let my interests or hers be dictated by gender.

This past summer when I flew out for SizeCon, I had a nice day out with my mom. Did some shopping, had lunch together, etc. When we got to her house, I told my mom, that I had hoped we could try building a closer relationship together. I told her, I always hoped when I was older (I'll be 37 in 2 months) that we could become friends. Like the ones you see in movies. The mother-daughter duo who can tell each other anything. She replied "Why did you ruin such a nice day?" Rock Mode!

I thought it was over...

After I flew back home to Japan I thought, that's it, how many more chances will I give to this relationship??? I'm DONE! That's it. She wants a rock for a daughter, she has a rock. I ignored all her calls. The only time I spoke to her was on her birthday, and I sobbed as soon as I hung up. The only person I talked to was really my Dad. Again, very dismissive, but he'll listen.

When I flew out for this emergency trip, my parents were very unaccommodating with certain aspects. Obviously they were accommodating, we stayed with them after all lol. It was more just like...comments. Like about the car - we borrowed their car for ONE day out of the 20 days because we still had to clean out the van (it really needed cleaning, it was a biohazard). They're both retired (my dad semi-retired), so they didn't have to go anywhere. We planned a Christmas Eve Dinner, and I suggested we BBQ outside so my MiL can bring her tiny dogs - she lives 4 hours away from my parents, and they're all old dogs, she doesn't have a sitter so they travel with her. My parents said NO dogs, but they continued to do the party outside anyway. My mom bought a fuck ton of food because she didn't want to cook, and then I didn't eat (wasn't feeling well) and my husband's Step-Dad didn't come because he stayed at a nearby hotel with the dogs.

I could tell my mom was surprised when I said he wasn't coming. She never believes me. To add to "accommodating" nature of my family, my sister decided to cancel opening gifts, because SHE MUST open them on the 25. Mind you, her kids are in high school and college, they don't care. Her second reason being that she didn't want to move all the boxes - mind you we did this for years doing Christmas at her place (because its wherever the only grandkids were), and we would have helped her move them. Sergio and I were flying out 6AM on Christmas day, so you know, fuck us, we didn't just go through hell.🙃

The gross part about this 2 weeks at my parents is that I was highly emotional, especially the first week of the trip. We kept thinking FiL was going to die. My parents weren't really sensitive about this. Literally, from the first day I arrived, my dad kept ribbing me, deliberately at things he knows upsets me, like gender issues, political things, or the kicker, saying my sister or my niece are his favorite - haha so funny! At one point, after watching the news, my parents get into a discussion about mental health. "Everything is mental health these days" my mom said. I again remind them how important it is. They start being aggressive with me - so I go rock mode! I quietly, coldly and patiently sit and listen to their tirade.

Possible breakthrough...?

Later, my dad and I go for a smoke and he talks to me 1-on-1....and yes I quit smoking when I moved here, but you better believe I was a fucking chimney over there. Ball of nerves I was. At some point in the convo, I bring up our shitty communication, and how I can't talk to them, especially mom. My mom wouldn't even come up and talk to me like my dad. She'd just go on pretending everything is fine. During this convo I bring up sexual assault again, and we go through the same cycle we've been going through the past 3+ years. "What do you want me to do??" "Just hug me and tell me it'll be okay"!

My dad just wants me to get over it, and I told him that trauma doesn't work that way. I gave him an example that happened a few days prior at the Hospital. A doctor in a white lab coat came up to me and said "hello beautiful, do I know you?" and then pretended to possibly recognize me from Highschool in the most flirtatious smolder way - I wasn't who he thought I was, but regardless, that triggered me - I was on DEFENSE. Obviously I know he's not going to do anything. I'm in a hospital, with a bunch of people and a bunch of cameras. But he's a doctor, and I wasn't expecting to get hit on by a medical professional while on duty. It took me aback. And that's the trauma that I was trying to explain to my dad. It doesn't have to make sense. A nice man who held the door for me, a lost man who just needed some directions, or even my friend's grandpa keeping an eye on us when we played. None of these are scenarios where I should be on guard, but I unfortunately had to. I ended that day in high hopes. I told Sergio that I had a really good conversation with my Dad and hopefully he can communicate that with my mom whenever she wants to talk to me

Or so I thought...

A few days later, my dad approached me, visibly frustrated/upset and says that I need to speak to my mother, that she's sad at how cold I'm being with her. I told him that I have many times tried to talk with her, and she doesn't want to have that sort of relationship with me, so if she just wants a superficial one, then that's fine too. That's what I'm giving her now. And it's true. I'm not mean towards her; my parents aren't bad people. I don't want them to be punished. I just want them to love me or let me go, because this is torture for me.

I just want to call my mom and tell her about the dumb stupid thing I did today. To care enough to even listen to me, because she decided to bring me into this world.

Future Comms...

Annnnnddd now to completely change the subject - COMMISSIONS!!! I still have a few completed ones I need to post, but I finished the previous batch a while back. I was planning to open up again, but I'm not efficient with my pricing at all. I've tried this now with 2 customers of mine, where I'm charging by the hour, and I'm thinking that maybe that's the way I go moving forward. I know for some people, $35 an hour will be out of reach, but working hourly will allow me to take on bigger projects, like comics, games, etc if someone wants to hire me for that. I can also still do pinups, sequences - whatever you want really! Unless you're ready with a long-term project (i.e. a comic, game, etc) please do not reach out yet. I'll write up guidelines asap for smaller projects. I still have my current clients, so again, please be patient. More info soon!

In Conclusion...

My end of the year was a total shit show. I spent the entirety of Christmas on a plane or in an airport. Happy Holidays and Happy new year, hope it was better than mine. I'm home now, huffing my cats and enjoying my tranquility. Don't make me go out there again lol. If you want to help me recoup the several thousands of dollars I now need to payback on flights, pet sitting, gas, etc) please consider checking out my shop @JitenshaSW .com or if you want to send me a tip or a gift for my work in the community, as a fan, whatever, I don't expect anything, but greatly appreciate it!

💕My PayPal

💕 My Amazon Wishlist (Japanese acct needed!)

Thanks for reading!

As mentioned in my previous journal I will be doing commissions! My slots are currently FULL!...they filled up in a few hours, so thank you for your support🙏Please keep an eye on this space, as I plan to open up more slots in the near future as I get closer to the bottom of the list - I'll make another posting to let you all know that I'm open again. I suspect it'll be about 3 weeks from now.

✨ CUSTOMER LIST ✨ (🎉FINISHED!!) Virmegator (🎉FINISHED!!) ChampionOfTzeentch

(🎉FINISHED!!) WB

(🎉FINISHED!!) DarkRai

(🎉FINISHED!!) travisXkogra (🎉FINISHED!!) L.S.

(🎉FINISHED!!) Bazzkorg (🎉FINISHED!!) nothere3 (🎉FINISHED!!) B.V.

(🎉FINISHED!!) JoeBlue

(🎉FINISHED!!) ShinigamiDuo370 (🎉FINISHED!!) CandrinTheWildPig (🎉FINISHED!!) chocolatejr9 Stay tuned for updates on this journal!

Heyyyy~ You know some shits hit the fan when Jit is OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS!!

Tl;dr my husband's whole office got laid off this Friday, and since he's the breadwinner, it not only complicates finances, but 10 million other things that we needed money for - like we need to fix some expensive paperwork for our visa, we've been trying to get pregnant, etc!! Thankfully we're okay at this moment, because we have been saving for all these things. I wouldn't have been worried otherwise, but the job loss came as a bit of a shock. Sergio has worked there for 7+ years, good relationship with his boss, great lead dev, always got his work done, etc. His company was all on board with him moving out to Japan and reassured him he could keep his job doing so. This arrangement only lasted a year apparently🙃 But I guess it can't be helped if they don't have money. It is what it is.

I'm going to wrap up what I'm working on now for my Patreon, and I'll be putting it on hiatus after this month. Sergio has already found a lot of promising jobs online, so hopefully one of them is a winner and I can be back to working on Perception Comic and other sizey arts soon.

I know, especially from the folks who follow me on Twitter where I speak a little more about my personal life, this might seem worrying, but I promise you that I'm okay. I've had a lot of bad things happen to me lately (health things, my husband's health things, family drama things, missing SizeCon, etc) but I've actually been making friends here in Japan, learning a lot, etc. I feel sad about a lot of temporary things I know will get better or have come to terms with, but I'm feel so optimistic about the long-term permanent things. Sergio and I have been really happy, despite all the scariness and drama that have happened recently.

WELL, ENOUGH OF THAT!! Let's get down to business! I will be focusing on mainly pinup commissions (samples below), but I also have experience in:

- 2D animated looping gifs, emotes, etc.

- Game/App experience (2D art, UI/UX, 3D Textures)

- Social Media assets (Twitter, Twitch, Facebook, etc) like headers, avatars, etc.

If you're interested in something not pinup related, listed above, please contact me privately, even if slots are closed. Please note that I won't be doing comic commissions.

::COMMISSIONS::

B+W Clean Ink - $75 (+$15 per additional character)

Examples:

Full color painting - $300 (+$30 per additional character)

Examples:

⬇️⬇️PLEASE READ, SUPER IMPORTANT!!⬇️⬇️

✨ How do commission slots work?

- 1 customer is able to reserve up to 2 commission slots.

- Slots will be limited to 10 at a time, which I suspect will take me about 2-3 weeks to finish, if I am able to sell out.

- After I'm done with the first 10 slots, I suspect to open up yet again for another 10 slots. If you want a future slot, PLEASE wait until I have completed my current batch before reaching out (I'll make an announcement here).

✨ What's included with your commission ($75 B+W / $300 COLOR):

- One character (additional characters +$15 B+W or +$30 color)

- 2 props max

- Color commissions can request a light background to be drawn, but they are not included in B+W commissions, sorry!

- Feel free to tell me what you envision first, including any visual flourishes (smoke, glows, blurs, etc) as I usually don't charge extra for those things.

✨ What's NOT allowed:

-🔞Minors

- Bestiality (furry is of course OK)

- Gore (a little bit of blood is fine, but no guts, big wounds/gashes, etc)

- F/m size stuff. Not a hit on F/m personally, not my thing, but there are soooo many artists out there that only draw this, and I'd like to use my skills to further support fans of M/f, F/f and M/m size content. 😅

✨ What's allowed:

- As always, I will draw almost anything.

Everything else is fine. Yes, including shit/piss, non-con, and probably whatever pervy thing you're thinking about right now. Specialties: size porn, transformations, but again, almost anything is OK. If you ever want to see what else I can do, feel free to browse my DA portfolio.

I've been doing this for 15 years, I promise me your idea will not make me clutch my pearls, you're in good company lol.

✨ How to Apply:

- Send an e-mail to me at jitenshasw@gmail.com including the following. - Give me a detailed description VISUALLY of what you envision. This means less of a focus on the story behind the character and more on what's going on in the moment. What's their pose, mood, or motivation? What are they doing, wearing (or not wearing!), etc.

- Give me your username to link to (either Deviantart/Twitter or both) - you can also request your piece to be posted anonymously instead.

✨ What to expect:

- After e-mailing me with your request, I'll be posting a new journal update later this week with everyone who signed up. Please check that future journal to see where you are on the list.

- When it's your turn, I will try my hardest to get it to you within 48 hours (not including the weekend).

- Once the piece is complete, I will request payment. I take Zelle and PayPal, though I ask those using PayPal to please throw in a few extra bucks to cover the fees - please and thank you! 🙏

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY!

Slots are LIMITED, and FIRST COME FIRST SERVE!!

I'm looking forward to hearing what your pervy ideas are!

I know I've been teasing this forever, but it's time!!

My Patreon is finally live @ http://patreon.com/perceptioncomic !!

Please consider helping me create Perception comic, based off characters Veronica & Sergio (the couple in my header image), as well as the creation of other sizey related artworks leaning on the tiny lady side! I'll especially be creating a bit more than usual in the run-up to SizeCon, less than 6 weeks away!!

Thank you for your consideration and support! 💖🥰💖